Toronto - Rediscovering "Home"

Toronto is my hometown, the city I was born and raised in. My large extended family all live here.

Graffiti Alley, downtown Toronto

Yet, Toronto has never been a place I called home. Partly because I never properly explored it, always fringing along its outskirts. And partly due to the fact I never really fit in amongst my peers growing up.

Nearly 8 years after first moving away, after coming down to earth from traveling, along with a reassessment of my life goals, I felt ready to come home and reconnect with my family. After all, they are always willing to take me back. They are my blood, my kin, and there's an intangible connection there, for better or for worse.

I spent some time living with my sister, then with my parents. Then I spent a summer living in a cabin in the woods north of Toronto. But all this time I had been far from the heart of Toronto. Finally, with the understanding that family's family but I needed to find my own people, I moved to downtown Toronto in February 2018.

One of my favorite things, making beer, has become a family affair

Making lasagna for mom and grandma out of dumpster dived ingredients

There was a mix of fear and excitement. I had a few friends from before I left, but for the most part, it was a fresh start. I was mature enough now to find my niche anywhere I go, but was fearful of the competitive nature of such an expensive and big city, filled with busy people always on the go.

I managed to find enough work to keep me afloat and give me the time I valued to check out all that Toronto had to offer. I went to music shows alone and underground clubs where I danced on my own, yet not totally alone among a sea of die hard clubbers. I attended free bike maintenance workshops, and a variety of other events that catered to my interests, such as language learning meetups and environmental talks.

Slowly, as I half expected and hoped, I began making real human connections and building friendships, both new and old. These connections came in unique ways - one was through a common friend no longer in TO, another through dumpster diving, another through the bicycle workshops, through a music festival, a few through Couchsurfing, and a super interesting roommate.

Getting a tattoo from my best friend in TO

Whenever I dumpster dive eggs, I picture those chickens pooping those eggs, just for us.

They say that you are defined by the closest five people you surround yourself with. It's telling how when I first left Toronto my peers were all engineers and professionals who eventually bought houses and started families. Now they comprise an eclectic crew of tattoo artists, graphic designers, farmer's market managers, dogsitters, musicians and dumpster divers, passionate human beings who live young and dance their butts off.

Then, one day I brushed past the wings of an angel - at least an angel in my visage - a punky, tattooed and dreaded Asian girl. I met her while she was practicing flow arts in a busy city park nearby where I was slacklining. We hung out the week after in the same park, chatting and getting to know eachother and I thought we had a pretty surreal connection. In a cheesy way, my consciousness slightly expanded just by meeting her, someone like her I never knew existed yet was seeking, someone I intuitively knew was out there somewhere in the universe.

Alas, I was on my way out of Toronto yet again, and our meeting was ever so fleeting. Not having any expectations or knowing at all what might have been, meeting her was still the icing on the cake at the end of my Toronto experience. It was a confirmation about the city I came back to, that I could find my way in this big scary place.

Slacklining in the park the first sunny and warm day of the year

For a reason that's both necessary and trivial, I had to return to my nomadic ways, a bit sad about leaving. But more than ever, I feel like I've grown roots in this city, built a foundation of friendships, and am proud to call it home.

For all of the travails of Toronto (and big cities in general) - traffic, rude people, cost of living, to name a few - I really love big cities because it's where the action's at. Toronto serves as the environment for a critical mass of human creativity and diversity to come together to create beautiful arts and music. This is what I love most about my hometown.

Next time I'm back in Toronto, I hope to build further on the foundation from the previous 4 months. So come sing and dance with me and let's enjoy what this amazing city has to offer!